The Friday Five: The Simpsons Go to the Movies

I'll be the first to admit that the quality of The Simpsons has waxed and waned over the years (mostly waned of late), but one thing the show has always done well is fake movies. Anytime any of the Simpsons hits up the ol' Googleplex, you know you're about to see some seriously funny stuff. From the fake titles on the marquee (like you wouldn't go see Shenanigoats) to Homer putting theatre butter on his Milk Duds ("swim, my pretties"), it's a laff riot. But the best part is always when we get to see the movies the Simpsons are watching, as they are hilarious pretty much without fail. Here are my picks for the five best ones:

1. The Poke of Zorro
I damn near ruptured some internal organs the first time I saw this one. It's an incredible rip on the "historical summer blockbuster" genre, complete with horrendous anachronisms (the Scarlet Pimpernel, modern-day sarcasm, King Arthur, ninjas), and, for you freeze-frame enthusiasts, a bunch of jokes in the closing credits. Plus, the theme rap is classic material ("He's the Z to the O to the double-R O/He's the man in the mask from the barrio"). And it sets off Homer's whole "Glove slap! I don't take crap!"/"I demand satisfaction!" binge, which is great.

2. Left Below
For a while, I was a big fan of the Christian apocalypse movies because they contain everything I love about terrible low-budget action movies with a bonus heapin' helping of...how to put this delicately...batshit crazy religious fundamentalism. Left Below is so funny because it's pretty much a dead-on impression of those movies; no jokes needed to be added because the movies themselves are unintentional jokes. "I thought all religions were a path to god--I was wrong!"

3. Tango De La Muerte
This is the pick of the litter--so much incredible comedy jammed into such a small amount of time. There's Naked Gun-style stupidity ("As your wise but alcoholic dance coach, I know that somewhere your father is looking down on you and smiling. Oh, there he is!" [his father, on a balcony, smiles and gives two thumbs up]; "Only one man was crazy enough to dance that dance, and he is dead." "My twin brother, Freduardo. But where he died, I shall live...in his apartment."), an offhand dig at Millhouse ("Que malo. Once again, I must sugar my own churro."), and a dance title called "Loco Legs." And if you read this, then you are now carrying my child. How? It is the mystery of the dance.

4. Love Is Nice
A more brutally hilarious evisceration of mainstream rom-com claptrap -- and the people who lap it up -- is hard to come by:
"One groom...TWO grooms?!? But he...but you...oh, my medication"
"Radical!"
"Is that your final answer?"
Homer's lament that an IQ of 105 makes one way too intelligent for such cinematic fare is just the icing on the cake. The wedding cake, that is. For the bride (Julia Roberts) and two grooms (one of whom is a rich snob, ably played by Bill Paxton/Pullman).

5. Football in the Groin
Barney's movie had heart, but Football in the Groin had a football in the groin. The replacing of Hans Moleman with George C. Scott was an inspired casting choice.

Honorable Mention: Soccer Mummy
OK, so this is just a fake trailer, not a full-on movie, but it's an absolutely perfect rip on those kooky, krazy Disney sports movies, complete with "I Feel Good" accompanying the wacky montage. I literally laughed myself to tears at this one.